The Printed Page

Shortly after Alyse Myers’s mother dies, Alyse and her sisters are emptying her mother’s apartment, trying to decide what to discard and what to keep. Alyse covets only one thing — a wooden box that sits in the back of a closet. Its contents have been kept from Alyse her entire life. That box, she hopes, will contain answers to her questions: Who were her parents really, and why did her mother settle for so very little in her life?

Growing up during the 1960s in a working-class neighborhood in Queens, New York, Alyse’s home is not a happy one. Her parents argue constantly and after the death of Alyse’s father, her mother at age thirty-three is left with three young girls. While her mother retreats to the kitchen table with her cigarettes and bitterness, determined to stay there forever, Alyse yearns for more in life, including the right to escape. After a childhood of harrowing fights, abject cruelty, and endless uncertainty, Alyse adamantly rejects everything about her mother’s life, provoking her mother’s infuriated demand, “Who do you think you are?”

***

The childhood from hell is what Alyse Myers survived. First the vicious yelling matches between her parents. After her father’s passing Alyse and her mom start fighting like she-cats. They scream the vilest things at each other. Her mother hangs her father’s belts on the outside of the closet to remind the girls she’s not afraid to use them if they step out line. As the fighting and beatings escalate through her teen age years and her home life deteriorates Alyse’s mom kicks her out the house for the final time. Believe me, like Alyse, I’d have been more than happy to leave. But if you think Alyse’s leaving home improved their relationship you’re wrong. It doesn’t get better just puts more distance between them.

I found this story depressing, very depressing. There is so much hatred in this family. This story brims with it. It’s there between her parents, between mother and daughter. Along with this hatred you experience an overwhelming sense of sadness. It oozes out of the cracks of hatred. Sadness that engulfs these shattered relationships between family members. Believe me my mom drives me nuts but still I can’t imagine having this conversation with my mom that Alyse had with her’s:

She would always ask me the same question before my trip, whether it was for business or a vacation: How could she get in touch with me if something bad happened?
My answer would always be the same: “Like how bad?”
“Like if someone died,” she would say.
I would tell her that if someone died there was really little I could do to help so what would it matter, anyway?
What would I do if ‘she’ were to die? she would ask me.
“While I was on a trip?” I would ask her back. “Or in general?”
You wouldn’t care if I died, she would tell me.
“You’ll be around for a while,” I would tell her. “Don’t you worry.”
Only the good die young, I would think.
Who Do You Think You Are, pages 158-159

I won’t say I enjoyed this book because it’s hard to enjoy reading about this much pain in someone’s life. But I couldn’t look away from it either. It’s what I consider a ‘bad accident’ book. Just as there are some accident scenes that you’re drawn to and can’t tear your eyes away from so was I with Who Do You Think You Are?. I found myself drawn into Alyse’s abusive world. I guess because it’s a world apart from my upbringing. I’m always amazed by people who live through such traumatic childhoods. The determination, resiliency and guts it takes to overcome. What compels me to read these types of memoirs is the silver lining waiting at the end. The sheer willpower a person has not to be defeated by their circumstances. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

To get better insight into Alyse’s background watch this interview. Check out the chat page and read what others who share a similar mother/daughter relationship have to say.
Her website: Alyse Myers